There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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