i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize