my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
