I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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