She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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