dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
