Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
