You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
