Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
