She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
