No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
