i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
