The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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