I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
