I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
