Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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