Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
