You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
