Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
