Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
