I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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