i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
