This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
