my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
where does the pee come out of this thing
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
