If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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