I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
