wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
