i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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