Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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