and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
