I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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