White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Boobs are out for the taking
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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