No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We talked him into tasing himself.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
