I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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