His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
