In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
