Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
