Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
