Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
