i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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