I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
