he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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