dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
