when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
