i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
