I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
