hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
