Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
