u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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