i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
