she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
