My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
