mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
