just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
