I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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